After a Christmas vacation to Kennewick that was much too short, we were back to nursery. There is one girl at nursery who just adores Tyler (me, not so much) and she was so excited that we were back. Tyler had to drop some stuff off at the car, so I went up to the nursery room by myself. Of course it was locked and the lady with the keys was apparently not at church, so we were ushered into the next room and the little girl was so sad. Here's the conversation.

Girl (2 1/2 years old): I don't want to go in that room.

Me: We're all going into this room though.

Girl: Even you?

Me: Yes.

Girl: But what about, what about your dad? Is he coming too?

Me: . . . Well first of all, he's not my dad. But yes, he is coming.

Girl: *Beams and skips into the room, comforted in the knowledge that her favorite nursery teacher is going to be there*

Later, we are playing a game called Animal Show.  Here's how it works. We gather up all the animal toys in the room, and then I hold up each of the animals, ask what kind of animal it is, and then what sound it makes. Here's a sample of how it went.

Me: *Holds up a cow* What animal is this?

Kids: *stare dumbfounded* um... a pig!

Me: . . . no. . . Okay next one *holds up a donkey* What animal is this?

Kids: A camel!

Me: Nope.

Kids: A horse!

Me: You're closer.

Kids: A pig!

Me: Haven't you guys heard the story of Mary riding into Bethlehem on this animal?

Kids: Yeah! And the baby Jesus was still in her tummy.

Me: Yep, what animal is it?

Kids: A horse!

Me: Okay. This is a donkey. Mary rode a donkey when she was going to Bethlehem. So what sound does it make?

Little one year old in the back of the room who can't even talk starts making very accurate donkey noises.

Tyler and I stopped to see the Christmas decorations at the new Nuskin building in Provo. Still haven't quite figured out the purpose of the enormous building, but they had fantastic decorations. I am obsessed with the huge Christmas stars they hung.

They also had these pretty winter forest decorations set up. They had a prettier scene, but I didn't take a picture.

In other news, we had stake conference this weekend. It was pretty good I guess. They did a lot of encouraging members to be missionaries, which isn't really my cup of tea so I was feeling a little uncomfortable, but there were some really great messages. One of the messages was that we have to act on our beliefs. There was a story given that I really connected with. It goes like this. The guy, whose name escapes me but is a new member of the Seventy, used to be a mission president. Whenever they got new missionaries or sent missionaries home from the airport, it was totally chaotic because it's a bunch of young adult boys at an airport. So the Seventy man told one of the airport people who was always really helpful, "We are so grateful for everything you do for us, we couldn't do it without you." And the airport man says, "President, talk is cheap. We want donuts." Ever since then, the missionaries brought donuts with them. Moral of story, actions speak louder than words. Your beliefs mean nothing if you don't act on them.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks also spoke at conference. He was pretty funny actually. I got to shake his hand. It seems weird that it's such a big deal to shake an old guy's hand (okay, was that an inappropriate way to refer to an apostle?) but it really was. It was interesting to me mostly because I felt really calm and peaceful, and I'm really not a calm or peaceful person. (Fun story, when it was a crazy snow storm, Tyler was trying to teach me how to drive in the snow and he says, "the reason most people are so bad at driving in snow is because they drive too fast and they don't stay calm." And then I asked him if he was trying to politely tell me that I can't stay calm and he said yes.) But back to the Sunday story. It was a great experience and I felt really good afterwards.

So those are my feel good stories of the day.

We made an ice cream run tonight. I was really tired and wearing my capri sweats and a hat and a poofy jacket and a pair of boots that didn't even almost match, but Tyler said it didn't matter and I didn't really care, but as we were leaving I said, "I don't care what I'm wearing, I just don't want to run into one of my students." 

We get to the store and literally the very first person I saw was, in fact, one of my students. 

I have come very close to the end of student teaching. Tomorrow I have my exit interview, so everyone pray for me! I didn't realize how much I would miss my students until now though. One of my students wrote me the very sweetest card. One of my classes made me a card and they all signed it. Another student said the funniest thing that makes me laugh every time I think about it. Here's the conversations:

Student: You should bring us cookies or something so we can remember you!

Me: ...no... that's okay

Student: Are you going to remember us?

Me: Of course I am! 

Student: We're like your favorite class, huh?

Me: *non-committal shrug* (I have heard that question from many students.)

Student: Oh wait, we're not your favorite. We're probably your worst class. We talk too much. We're your worst class, aren't we?

Me: No, you're not. 

Student: *look of utter disbelief/astonishment* WHAT? Who do you teach, monkeys??

And it was basically the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. So I will miss my students, it's weird how attached you can get to people and how much you want them to succeed. 

Anyways, wish me luck/pray for me!

Well we're beginning to get into the Christmas spirit here. We put up our Christmas tree today (we got it from the Tyler's parents).

Here is the tree.

Here is the tree and our kitchen.

Here is our selfie with the tree.

I am reluctant to be a part of this selfie generation, but I will give them this- taking selfies is hard! So I am impressed with the ability to take good looking selfies. Clearly, we could use some improvement.

Anyways, that's our Christmas spirit thus far. It is freezing in our apartment, so I guess it feels like Christmas. Our apartment has been between 50 (literally 50) and 67 degrees. I am really not exaggerating, it is so cold.

 "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
-Winston Churchill

Being a teacher is hard work. It's exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally.
It's tough because for the last three years I've been working towards being a teacher, and now, teacher training is basically my life. I think about school the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep, trying to think of how to help my students or how I would teach something in a perfect world.
It's tough because one of the things about being a teacher is that you learn from trial and error, which means a lot of failure, and yet you're still supposed to give consistently good lessons.
It's tough because I care so much about my students and I want to help them, but any weakness on my part is a disadvantage to them.
It's tough because I'm naturally very unassertive and not confrontational, and I have had to learn to be those things.
It's tough because I'm so tired all the time.
It's tough because I can see every area where I need to improve, but I want to be perfect now.

I don't like failure. But it's been something I've had to learn to embrace. Every time I mess up, every time I know I could do something better to help my students learn, it hurts, but I sincerely try to learn from it.

I love this quote from Churchill because it represents exactly the kind of attitude I am trying to develop. Life is not about not failing! Life is all about failing- and learning from those failures and becoming a better person for those failures and not ever giving up or despairing despite those failures- because try as we might we are human and humans make mistakes. I have lived my life trying to not make mistakes, and then getting sad and dejected because obviously that's not possible. So I'm turning over a new leaf. I am learning from my failures. I realize that this post is becoming very cliche and feel-good, but bear with me through one more quote (and a cliched quote at that).

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
-Thomas Edison

Why is it so hard to look at failure from that point of view? I used to think that this way of thinking was just an easy way out, a way to make people feel better despite their failures and  weaknesses, but that's not true. What's true is that failure has such a negative connotation, when really, it's no crime to mess up. The true failure is giving up. But trying, and messing up, and trying again, and messing up again, and trying again over and over- that's not failing. Maybe it won't make you the most successful person in the world, but maybe that's not what matters. And maybe, this is all information that everyone else already knows, and I am just now finally realizing because of my changed circumstances.

I would also like to point out that despite the fact teaching is hard, it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. But I think that always it's the things that take the most effort that are the most worthwhile.

I also am unsure of whether or not to post this. I hear a lot about potential employers Googling potential employees, checking Facebooks, blogs, etc. Is that true? And if so, by posting this when I bluntly state how difficult I find teaching to be, am I hurting  my chances in the future of getting a job? Also, the same applies for my grammar. Luckily I've never wanted to teach English, but having awful grammar probably won't look too good for a girl who wants to be a teacher.

I took these pictures on my phone when I was running on Saturday. I know, I know, I should have been a professional photographer. Just look at that lighting, the way those rays of sunshine hit those quaint bales of hay. You can't fake that kind of artistic genius. Joking aside, it really was a beautiful morning, so quiet and peaceful and sometimes I wish I lived farther from the noise of the city. City meaning Provo. Clearly I did not grow up in a real city or I wouldn't be complaining about being overwhelmed by the rush of Provo.

Late last night as Tyler starts snoring:

Me: Stop that. Your snoring is too scary
Tyler: What? It was a funny snore
Me: No, it was scary. Like goblins
Tyler: What are you talking about? None of the goblins in Harry Potter sound like that
Me: I was talking about more fictional goblins-
Tyler: *bursts out laughing*
Me: *realizes why he's laughing so hard*

Real goblin


Scary and fictional goblin (but seriously, these are so scary)

So much has been going on in my life recently that I've been completely overwhelmed and far too exhausted to do anything except eat and sleep. Seriously, I'm so tired all the time. I've been going to sleep between 8 and 10 every night. Teaching is so tiring. I love it, but I come home drained.

Today is General Conference. I accidentally slept through about half of it (like I said, I'm so tired) but what I heard was so good. My favorite thing that I've heard so far is that "the past is to be learned from, not lived in." That is something I definitely need to learn.

Yesterday we went to Ephraim, Utah where Tyler's sister is going to Snow College and was the stage manager of a play that we saw. This was also the reason I slept through half of Conference. I'd never been, but I'd heard a lot about it. Like it's in the middle of nowhere and the only thing there is a bunch of sheep (true). The only store there was a Wal-mart. But it was surprisingly beautiful and peaceful. It was up in the mountains which I love.

I took this on the way up. Granted, it doesn't do it justice at all. But we were driving and I took a picture right when we were passing the only building on the whole highway. So trust me, it's beautiful up there. 

It got cold here. I'm freezing. And we only have a gas heater thing in our living room, so first we haven't turned it on yet (it's supposed to be in the 70s again next week. Weird Utah weather.) But once we do turn it on it's only going to heat up one room. So this is going to be a fun winter. I've been wearing sweats, two sweaters, a hat, an electric blanket, and a normal blanket all day. Also, it already snowed. On the bright side, here's a picture I took on my way to school the other day.

I can't even think of anything else to say. It's like, I literally just go to school, come home, eat, write lesson plans/papers for BYU, eat, and then go back to sleep. Which is okay, because I love all those things. Well, with the exception of the BYU papers. 

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default."
-J.K. Rowling

Now I have read this quote many times. And every time I am just as inspired by it. I am terrified of failure. In fact, that is my biggest fear about teaching, and I won't delve into that because I try not to dwell on my fears. (Ha. I say that, but I don't do that.) Anyways, this quote is so powerful to me. This idea gives me courage to keep trying, because like Rowling says, if I am so afraid to fail that I never enter a situation where failure is a possibility, I've already failed. So I might as well try, even if it means I could fail. There's no point in not trying, right? Plus, I find it oddly comforting that someone I admire so much can so candidly admit to failure, and knowing that I am not the only one who ever fails. 

I also recently read a speech given by Mitt Romney about how failure can often be a path to success. So maybe they're on to something, because all these super successful people are advocating failure. But then again, they're all super successful so they don't really need to worry about failing anymore, do they.

Either way, fail on! 

Hahaha JK JK I actually am not nearly successful enough that I can welcome failure, and so still try to avoid it whenever possible. Am I jinxing myself? Tyler doesn't believe in that.

Guess what today is. If you guessed Tyler’s birthday, you’re right. So far, all we’ve done is gone grocery shopping so he’s having a pretty uneventful birthday. My day was a little more dramatic, as I tried to bake Tyler his favorite type of pie and was so frustrated with the pie crust, which I had to redo at least five times, that I ended up having a temper tantrum like a two-year old and throwing myself on the ground. Guess I’ll be buying pie crust from now on. There was also a huge thunder storm. It was big, and so sudden. First it was just dark, and in minutes it started pouring and thundering. It was like the tropical storm we got caught in while we were in Maui, only this one wasn’t tropical. But Tyler loved it, it doesn’t rain here enough for him.

In other news, we have moved into our new apartment and I began student teaching! So our week looked like this: Monday we got home from Moab. Tuesday we moved into our apartment. Wednesday I started student teaching. It’s been pretty crazy. Student teaching is scary and takes so much work, but I already love it. I don’t want to say too much on the internet, because I hear all sorts of horror stories of people blabbing about work online and ending up in huge amounts of trouble, so I’ll just say this. I love student teaching and the people I work with are great, and the students are amazing.

Our apartment is old and falling apart (nothing new there) but it’s bigger than our old apartment and it has a dishwasher, a garbage disposal, and washer and dryer hookups. I didn’t realize how convenient it is to have a dishwasher until I had one, and the garbage disposal is so nice too. But the washer and dryer are the real amazing things. We got a set for really cheap off KSL, and it is the best. I can do laundry whenever I want! I don’t have to worry about other people dumping my clothes out or about needing clean clothes and not being able to use the washing machine for a week. I can do the laundry in the kitchen. Need I say more? The other really cool thing about our apartment is the stove/oven. It’s a gas stove, and the first time I used it, Tyler offered to show me how to turn it on. I brushed him off, because come on. I’m a grown woman, I can turn on a stove. But then it turns out I actually didn’t know how to turn on the stove. I feel so legit whenever I cook though, because I’m literally cooking on a fire. On a fire. It’s crazy! It’s like camping every day! (Although, unfortunately the stove always burns my marshmallows).

Those are the cool things about our apartment. I probably shouldn’t dwell on the not so cool things of our apartment, but I think it’s kind of funny. Like how the lock on the bathroom door is on the outside. But the bathroom door doesn’t shut anyways even if you wanted to lock it. And there’s a big dirt ring in the backyard where the previous renters road 4-wheelers in circles. There was a bucket of diseased water under the kitchen sink that I had to wash out, and it was disgusting. The water was brown and filled with scum and it was so gross. But overall it’s pretty nice.

Anyways that’s it for now. Happy birthday to Tyler, the most amazing husband in the world!

 This picture is actually from his birthday two years ago. Time flies, yes? 

Once upon a time when I was a young and in college I took a geography class. I actually took a lot, but this one was just basic physical geography. One of the introductory questions was, "if you could travel anywhere, where would you go?" I was fairly unambitious then, and I honestly had no interest in travel for some reason. So I just wrote, "somewhere warm and dry, no snow." The professor thought that was pretty funny and I forgot about it. I remembered that the other day though, when I was thinking about everywhere I want to go. I went from being content to stay where I was to wanting to see everything. I don't know why it changed and I don't know if it's for good or bad. Is it better to be content with how things are or is that apathetic? Is wanting to travel everywhere too much like being ungrateful for what you have? I guess like everything else in life it's a balance. But for the record, here's a brief list of places I'd like to see: Japan, Machu Picchu, the San Juan Islands, Arizona, southern Utah, the Oregon Coast, Tennessee, and Europe (I want to see a lot of European countries but I haven't decided which ones I want to see most).

So speaking of traveling, we just go back from Moab with Tyler's family. I love southern Utah. The first time we went, I didn't understand why people from all over the world would ever want to come to Utah, but I get it now. It's one of my favorite places.

First we went to Little Wild Horse Canyon. It was so empty, we only ran into one other group of people, and they were mostly kids between one and five so we were able to pass them. The slot canyon part was a lot skinnier than I remembered it being. I wondered if the rocks moved closer together since the last time we went, but that's not super likely.

Then we went to Goblin Valley, and it was also super empty.

If you look closely,  you can see a little rainbow above the hills.

Canyonlands

This one would have made a better picture if I could have taken it from further away. To give perspective, this is at the Shafer Road viewpoint place, the one where you walk down some steps out onto the rock. I don't know if that description actually helped. I tried. I'm not a writer.

Arches National Park

The Delicate Arch

Devil's Garden

So this hike I thought was really scary because last time we tried we turned around, the wind was so strong I felt like I'd be blown off the cliff. But when I went back this time, it wasn't even scary, and it turned out to be worth it. The Double-O Arch at the end was really cool. The Dark Angel was disappointing. Or else we got it confused with a different rock and didn't actually see the Dark Angel.

We looked for Tyler's hat but couldn't find it. 

The Double-O Arch

 Apparently all the men on the trip were having a contest to see who could climb the highest and do the most daring feats. I know mom always doesn't like watching Tyler climb all over the arches, so she would not have liked seeing how high everyone was going on this trip. But luckily we all made it home safely and the pictures turned out cool.

Welcome to my new blog, for all those who follow me. Which, since I know who I gave the address to, I know is three people. When I made my last blog, I thought it'd be one I could keep forever, and I did manage to post a lot. But lately I've realized that Tumblr was not the type of blog site that best suited my style, so I switched back to blogger. Fun fact, I made a blogger when I was in freshman English as a homework requirement. Then I never wrote on that blog again. I've never really even understood the purpose of blogs. A public journal? And yet, here I am creating another blog. I guess to keep in touch with people I don't get to see very often anymore.

To start off with, here are some pictures I came across while trying to select pictures to put in a photo album. (Yes, I am keeping a real-life photo album! Including the book with all the slots for the pictures to fit into. I haven't seen one more recent than my kindergarten pictures).

These are my some of my favorite pictures. They're so real, so candid. Also, I think it's funny that all our pictures turn out so funny.

I also wanted to say some things about our on-going moving experience. I hate moving and packing and change in general. And so it's been a little stressful (and I know that I'm whiny and I know that there are plenty worse things in life than moving) but with moving, and only barely finding an apartment to rent, and stressing out about student teaching, and feeling generally unwell lately, I've been having my share of mini-tantrums. My mom, being the wise person she is, tells me that there are so many people willing to help us, and me and my stubbornness ignore her and think how obnoxious it would be to have to help someone else move. But it turns out, my mom was right (surprise, surprise).

Everybody was so willing to help. Many people offered us a place to store our stuff while we were between apartments. Tyler's family all came and helped us move. Then they let us stay at their house for two weeks (and so we were reminded that we now live in his parents' basement. But it's only temporary). My parents' lifelong friends lent us their truck. And during this whole time, our car's alternator died, and every single time we were stranded because our car wouldn't start, someone was there to help us. Which was especially good when I got stuck all alone at the post office and couldn't even figure out how to open the hood, let alone start the car. I guess this whole experience has just made me realize that people are a lot kinder and willing to help out than I thought before.

Also, Tyler and his dad fixed our car! I am seriously so impressed. I hung around and tried to learn something (I learned what the alternator does) and I couldn't even begin to figure out how to fix that car.
Here is Tyler and the alternator. Also, Tyler fixed the cigarette lighter.